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SATURDAY THOUGHT 3/27/10

 About Doubt!

 This one’s a rambler, so strap in and (hopefully) enjoy the trip.

 The problem with faith, or at least it seems to me, is that it can be a pillar of awareness, peace and strength one moment (ah, the shield and portion), only to dissolve into hopeless doubts (or worse, convicted denial) the next.

 I’m not all that sure why that is.  For me, it’s almost a matter of impatience.  I’m not usually in a hurry; I’m always in a hurry.  So, my prayer sequences tend to sound like the following: 

 “Oh, Lord, grant me this, my heart’s desire, please.  Thank you.” 

 “Lord, thank you, but I really need this today.  Thank you.”

 “Ahem.  Uh, Lord, I’m kind of hurting here, so any time would be fine.  Thanks.”

 “Okay, God, am I not being clear, or are you not listening?  This is pretty important to me.  I’m serious.”

 “Darn it!  (No, not the exact word) you’re a pretty big talker, lots of promises, but I do wonder sometimes….”

 And it goes downhill from there.  So, yes, I sometimes have doubts and I have a temper that is prone to come out during those three AM meetings when I tell God what He’s doing wrong. 

 BUT (aha, the big BUT!)  when I look back on my own prayers, they’re usually petitions for God to give me what I think is best for me.  And the fact of the matter is that when I look back over the battlefield of my life, it is strewn with the debris of lots of things I’ve wanted — and wanted badly – that led me over a cliff.  That’s why the family motto is: “It seemed like a really good idea at the time!”

 With that, I guess I have to say that I am learning – slowly, too darn slowly, thank you – that the destroyed marriage years ago led me to a much better relationship today; that the lost business opportunity led me to a better opportunity later on; and so on.  And I know I’m not alone.

 My point:  We can do things our way.  And when we do that, we may get failure or we may get success that does not yield the rewards we had hoped for.  Or we can let it go, and at the same time carry on, trusting to the Lord that the road He picks for us is the right one and, most of all, that it will bring rewards – very often in totally unexpected ways and from totally unexpected directions – that we could never have imagined. 

One final comment in this long, rambling missive:  God gives us what He wants for us WHEN He’s darn good and ready.  Another way of looking at it is that what we have right here and now is what He has deemed best for us at this time.  (Oh, I can hear the skeptics hooting now.) 

Go with the flow, praying for not deliverance, but for understanding.  Because if we think we’re really in charge, then we’ve never stepped the wrong way on the court in open gym and pulled a tendon or had an undeserved missive destroy an eye in a blink;, never woke up to find half our body paralyzed; never heard “I love you” and “I hate you” within the space of a short conversation in a hopelessly ruined relationship.  You get the picture.

The point:  I have no idea.  Oh, yeah, doubt.  We’re never going to live our lives in (A) perfect peace and (B) total self-fulfillment.  We’re going to have weak moments (or days, weeks, months, etc.), and we’re going to wonder at some times; doubt at others; and, yes, be downright convinced it’s all a crock at others.  Work with it.  God does know what He’s doing … even if He doesn’t always let us in on His plans. – jri 

WEDNESDAY THOUGHT 3/24/10

 Always!

This one ain’t for weenies:  Life can be a bear.  Nobody ever said it would be otherwise.  I hear every day from people with life-sucking illnesses, or worse, loved ones with crippling pains they cannot heal; financial worries, the kind that relentlessly and bone-chillingly sap their hope and energy and faith as they watch everything they’ve worked for slip away; relationship conflicts, the foolish pain of misunderstandings that pointlessly tear at the soul and gnaw at the gut; or just raw and worn out fear (more like terror) and despair from the seemingly relentless setbacks of life. 

As they stubbornly hang on by their bloody fingertips, the three-part question always – yes, always – comes up:  “Why God?  Where are you, God?  Are you even there, God?” 

The answer:  Yes!  Always!  I don’t know much, and I’m no saint, and I’ve hit the wall so hard myself at times I’d knocked myself senseless.  But then I always remember that God has always (yes, always) been with me, even when I thought He had finally had enough … or worse, was taking some kind of sick pleasure in my struggles.   

My point:  It’s about faith and trust … and a whole lot of stubbornness.  Yes, stubbornness.  When I hit that wall and get done complaining, I always say something akin to: “Lord, you touched me a long time ago and showed me the way.  The road you pointed to is the only road that makes any sense (and, by the way, Lord, even that road doesn’t always look that appealing many times).  So, I just want to let you know: I ain’t giving up on you, so you might as well not give up on me!”   

MONDAY THOUGHT 3/22/10

Pondering Moses

I never gave Moses  much thought over the years, except I know that he sounded like Charlton Heston.  But talk about a wild life.  Born a poor Jew, but raised as the privileged son of Pharaoh, and then outraged enough to murder an abusive overseer of the Jews.  After that, he fled to the hinterlands, got married and spent a few years as a shepherd.  That might have been enough for one lifetime, but then God called him back to do a slew of impressive miracles and lead a hopelessly ornery and stiff-necked people out of Egypt and into the desert, where he had to put up with them on one side and a demanding God on the other for 40 years.  Oh, and in the end, he never got to enter the promised land.  Oh, and don’t forget that, though he had zero public speaking skills, he did find the time to write the first couple of books of the Bible.  An interesting guy.

The bottom line:  Moses led an amazing life.  But – and here’s the interesting part – he didn’t get a whole lot of fat-cat perks for his troubles.  He had a tough, demanding and frustrating life.  No easy deals. 

My point:  This one hurts my head a bit and I’m no theologian, but here’s how I see it:  If we’re into this God stuff for a limo ride down Easy Street, boy, are we going to be disappointed.  Our God is a demanding God, just but demanding.  We serve because we believe, because we know God is true … not because we get a nugget at the end of the rat maze for our efforts.  Still, when we do follow, it is an amazing, wondrous trip. – jri

TUESDAY THOUGHT 3/16/10

Hungry?

I’m a bit slow.  I grew up hearing the stories about Jesus feeding the multitudes, and I always thought they were just about … feeding the multitudes.  You know, a magic act without the magic.  Finally (ta da!), I realize it’s about hunger, but hunger that goes far deeper than the belly.

I know a guy, probably around 50ish, married, teenage daughter, prosperous business.  In short, he’s got pretty much everything.  However, every chance he gets, he looks for women with whom to have sex.  At the age of 19, I might have admired this.  Now, pushing 60 (Yeah, I know, I’m way too aware of this), I recognize it for the mindless, incredibly sad goal it is.  He’s so hungry for something – and, no, I suspect it’s not really for sex.  Like so many people, there’s a gaping hole in this guy’s soul:  an itch he cannot scratch, a hunger he cannot satisfy.  He’s not alone.  How many of us hunger for acceptance, financial security, release from that nagging fear and uncertainty. 

My point:  It has been my experience that one thing and one thing only fills that need and satisfies that hunger.  That is what Jesus was addressing when he divided the loaves and fishes.  He fills the REAL hunger in all of us.  He is the Bread of Life.  Ta da!  – jri

 Thank you for the incredible outpouring of prayers and concern over my health glitch last week.  I am alive, well and kicking again and still.  May the blessing of the Lord that alone brings peace and purpose to this life be always clearly present before and within you. 

WEDNESDAY THOUGHT 3/10/10

Strange Blessings

Now, this is going to sound a bit dopey, but the most fantastic thing happened to me this week.  I had a TIA, which is a medical term for a kind of mini stroke (aka a brain fart).  Pretty scary, actually, because all of a sudden my memory got fogged in and I wasn’t sure what day it was or where my Golden Retriever was.  (She had gotten old and sick and I had put her down about 10 days before.  Still, I roamed the house looking for her, knowing something was askew.) 

 Now for the blessing part:  Well, first of all, I’m feeling almost normal again.  (Yes, let the jokes begin.) But what blew me away was the amazing outpouring of phone calls, support, visits and prayers.  Made me almost want to do this again next week.  Seriously, like most people, I think, I am puzzled when people actually seem to care about me, even though the evidence is pretty solid that many do.  Also, I remember a time in my life when I had no one on my speed dial except my brother, having chased away or neglected other relationships.

 My point (four, actually):  First of all, thank you for your prayers and support.  Second, I can use this to get out of pretty much anything in the months ahead:  “Sorry, but I can’t do that. I’m recovering from a stroke.”  Or, better yet, “Hey, be nice to me.  I just had a stroke.” Or my favorite:  “Hey, what do you expect, I just had a stroke.”  Third, it is truly amazing how a potentially devastating experience can become a wondrous blessing.  That’s partially because, in the words of Winston Churchill, “There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result.”  Fourth and most of all, this is quite a reminder that life is so very fragile.  In a blink, God can change everything and anything.  We are not in charge.  (Sorry if these thoughts aren’t deeper, but remember, I just had a stroke.)  — jri

FRIDAY THOUGHT 3/5/10

Got Ministry?

What are you doing here?  Why has God called you?  (And, yes, by the way, He has called you.) 

For me, one of the most momentous shifts in my ego-based life was to go from “Lord, save me!” to “Lord, show me how to serve you!”  It harkens back to the recent morning I awoke with the words formed in my heart and on my lips: “Lord, as you died for me, so I will live for you.”

My point:  We all have a ministry, a calling, an opportunity a dozen times a day to love one another and, in so doing, serve the Lord – perhaps with a simple “God bless you,” or by picking up that one extra 60-cents-a-can tuna at the store for the food pantry donation, or even by biting your tongue and offering a consoling word when an over-stressed friend takes a bite out of you.  – jri

THURSDAY THOUGHT 3/4/10

Another Morning, Another Miracle 

Ho hum.  I’ve seen more miracles than I can shake a stick at.  You have, too, I’m sure.  I mean, think about it:  Hopelessly broken relationships restored.  Totally lost drug addicts and alcoholics now clean, sober and cherishing life like never before.  The birth of the smallest child growing and grown into full-blown adults.  Amazing.

It is the miracle of transformation, of new birth and new beginnings.  In many cases (second chances by the bucketful) it is the changing from a life of squander and destruction to one of hope and life.  It is the awakening of the tiniest of tiny seeds of something (care to hazard a guess what that is?) that brings forth a lush green spring after the barrenness of a dark, cold winter … not just literally, but in our hearts and in our souls.

My point:  We see miracles every day.  We are miracles.  Enjoy the blessings of this miraculous day. – jri

MONDAY THOUGHT 3/1/10

A Random God?

Two totally normal but completely weird things happened while I was out walking on the Ahnapee Trail last fall.  (No, sorry, this is not a story about burning bushes, blinding flashes of light or voices from on high.)

Weird thing number one:  I noticed my fingernail and realized that it is an amazing covering that protects my fingers … almost never recognized, but incredibly important.  What an odd thing.  Who’d have thought to invent such a thing, yet our lives would be very difficult without them.  Weird thing number two:  I heard the machine-gun knocking of a woodpecker and realized that such a thing — the speed and power of a jackhammer — was impossible to conceive … yet there it was.

My point: Chance, my butt!  It’s a world teeming with awesome, awe-inspiring creation – from giraffes to eagles to breath-taking sunrises; from snails to toenails; from gentle breezes to thundering hurricanes.  And atheists – such silly folks — claim we’re naïve to believe in a loving, magnificent creator!  Have an awesome, wondrous day amid the miracles of this earth. – jri